By Victoria

July 15, 2015

Moving On

By Alex N.

Life has a habit of repeatedly and frequently forcing you to change, adapt, alter your everyday life and re-evaluate who is and not meant to be a part of your life. Nowhere else is this more prevalent than when you are dealing with the loss of a significant other, someone you held so close at one point but has now suddenly faded into the background of your ever changing reality. It's amazing how such a relatively small event can make it feel as though the sky is falling or as if you are utterly and disastrously alone.

Everything becomes a routine. The optimism you once felt upon waking up that you wanted to share with the one you loved is no longer there, because neither are they. You wake, you drag yourself through the day, you sleep, and it all starts over again the next day. The worst part is you have no drive or desire to make the change. "What's the point?" Is an extremely dangerous statement. Somewhere along the way of your past relationship you lost sight of yourself, of who you were and the life you happily lived before he or she changed you. You feel abandoned and alone, desperately trying to find something to make you feel normal again. That's okay, the feeling of desperation is a good thing, it means that deep down, underneath the negativity, you're ready and willing to make a change.

Change does not start with waiting for the world to accommodate you, it starts with evaluating yourself and what you want. You lost someone dear to you, but that shouldn't be an inhibition to your opportunities to make yourself happy. You can spend every minute of your day thinking back to your failed relationship, wondering where things went wrong, what you could have done, why you didn't do more, and end up right back where you started: sad and alone. You have to realize that even though it ended, there was once a beginning. Maybe it was the way you saw light in their eyes or heard music in their laugh, or the way your worst jokes made their sides hurt with laughter, something was enough to ignite that one beautiful spark that turned into a wildfire of passion. Why spend your time thinking about the negatives and making yourself feel like you weren't enough when in reality you were one half of a perfect whole at one point? Every moment spent together, every smile and laugh, every kiss and every intimate moment would not have happened if you were anyone but yourself. You can spend each moment trying to justify the imperfections, or you can pick up all the beautiful pieces and carry them with you to an even more beautiful future.

Break out of that routine, make positive changes, carry yourself so highly that those old feelings of sadness that once held you by the throat no longer shake you. Face that simple reality: you're single now. This means that the world is your playground again, you can do anything and everything, meet amazing new people, reconnect with those who love you that you may have lost sight of along the way, explore new places, try new food, anything that makes you feel like you're doing something right. True love is only possible when you truly love yourself.

Your past is your past. It all happened, and pretending that it didn't happen is unhealthy. Even worse is forcing yourself to hate the person you once loved. You don't drink poison and expect the other person to die. Hatred is equally as powerful as love, and just as destructive. There is no point in changing yourself, loving yourself, but keeping that little piece of yourself unchanging. For one reason or another, your relationship ended, but along the way you grew, you changed in great ways that would not have occurred otherwise. That person helped you realize that you are beautiful. Just because life told you they weren't the ones for you doesn't mean that you have to hold a grudge towards someone who doesn't deserve it. Understand the great things that you realized and accomplished together, and take them with you. Love yourself, believe in yourself, make the change, and be happy with who you are. You don't know what the future may hold, but you can control how prepared you are as you step into it.

Title image via WritersCafe

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